Un Año en Honduras

First I would like to thank everyone for the Valentine’s day cards and mail in general. I was like a kid in a candy store when my boss brought my mail from Tegucigalpa to La Esperanza to a meeting. Aunt Mary I have been rationing myself to eating only a half of a milky way only eaten after long and grueling days. I ate my final two milky way bars to celebrate Mardi Gras, if heaven has unlimited chocolate I might attend church more regularly. I know I have been failing at keeping up on my blog, but this is actually due to being extremely busy. I usually can tell how busy I am by the amount of times I have worn whatever shirt I am wearing today, and also the manner in which I pick out my socks. For example today I am wearing a shirt that is at least on its fourth go around, and it took me a while to smell through my socks in the dirty clothes drawer  to find a pair that was not totally repulsing. Sorry for the excess of information but sadly this is my life.

Anyways February 23, 2011 signified my year anniversary of arriving to Honduras. Let’s just say that I have had many ups and downs while also spending a lot of time in the middle. I really am not sure I would be able to properly describe my experience in coherent paragraphs, so I think I will make a list of certain things I have done in Honduras, to better display my experience. We will see how it goes.

Days in Honduras: 365+

Number of times that I seriously thought about jumping on a plane back to the states: 1 the day of Kellee’s wedding when I put off taking my antibiotics in order to drink whiskey.

Percentage of meals that I usually eat complemented by beans: 99.9% before moving into my own house, 80% now that I live alone.

Amount of beans that I plan to eat when I return to the United States of America: equal to the amount of times I will eat a chipotle burrito and no more.

Amount of times that I have looked a chicken in the eyes in the morning and less than 6 hours later was eating that very chicken: every Saturday for 7 months approximately 36 times while I was living with my host family plus birthdays of extended family, 20 more equaling 56 in total.

Amount of times that my mouth waters a little bit when I see the cow tied up on Saturday night, which will be my Sunday carne asada: Every Saturday night that I have been in Camasca.

Amount of times I had to ask for a fork to eat my meals at my host family’s house always complemented by a look of pity on my lack of manly hood, every meal for about a month until I gave up and started using tortillas and my fingers. Yes people I was viewed as an extremely polite and clean eater, which can only mean bad news for my manners when I return to the states.

Amount of times I have been invited to birthday parties: probably 50 times while I attended probably about 25.

Amount of birthday parties in which there was a piñata and the gringo was berated until he finally made a fool of himself swinging at air: every single one.

Amount of birthday parties that I was invited to and actually knew the birthday completer’s name: twice both children of my next door neighbor.

Amount of jalons (hitchhike rides) taken in the back of a truck: impossible to say but at least once a day for my entire time in Camasca, 200.

Longest hitchhike ride in the back of a truck, 5 hours from La Esperanza including a 1 hour delay in which we attended the burial of a friend of the driver, both of which I had never met.

Hours spent in buses I am not sure but I would say twice a week I take a 7 hour bus ride between Camasca and La Esperanza, 724 hours plus a monthly trip to somewhere farther away adding 6 hours at least would be 312. In total 1,036 hours.

Miles spent walking to communities, work, water systems, water sources, and searching for the fruit that is in season, impossible to tell but at least a 1 mile to and from work every work day plus a 2 mile walk once a week for work, approximately 700 miles.

Number of TV series watched in completion, 5 (Boardwalk Empire, The Wire, Weeds, Eastbound and Down, and Arrested Development).

Books read, 63 and I have the list to back it up.

Hours spent in a hammock, 1 hour a day, 365 hours in total.

Amount of times that I have sharted (for those that do not know it’s a combination of a bad word for poop and fart)  in my pants: 1 time which is way below the Peace Corp average and happened on a 4 hour bus ride to the doctor’s office where I found out I had a parasite and a bacterial infection

Tonnage of horse and mule manure dropped in front of my house every Sunday on market day I would have to say at least. I should explain for some unknown reason there is a horse tie-off post directly in front of my house which everyone and their mother use to keep their horses while they go to the market. I have a feeling that my future garden in the front of my house will have some crazy steroid flowers.

Number of times that I have swept the dirt road in front of my house before it was criticized by a group of girls that run my neighborhood-0. Now about every Sunday I go outside and sweep dirt off of dirt, sadly it does look a lot better.

I play on the Camasca “pueblo” soccer team in our local league and we are also invited to play in other towns yearly fairs. I absolutely love my soccer team and feel like a reality show could be extremely successful based on their lives. The majority of my team is local construction workers and farmers with this in mind please read the following stats.

Record for most cigarettes smoked and bottles of coca cola drank before one of our games, 6 (4 cigarettes and 2 bottles of coca cola). His name is Miguel he is 30 years old and by far our best defender who is never tired. If he was around when the Tobacco industry was fighting charges that cigarettes are dangerous for your health we might not have warning labels on our cigarette boxes. I will make sure to take a picture before our next league game of our team who always sits on a row of plastic boxes in the shade waiting for our game to start. I would say 90% are smoking cigarettes and the rest are definitely drinking pop.

Number of players that consistently smoke cigarettes at half time, 5. I am 23 years old in decent shape and do not smoke cigarettes and I drink large amounts of water before our games. By half time playing in hot dry weather I feel like I might melt away. So if any health professionals can explain this to me please do.

Amount of money won in fantasy sports, in a year where I have as much sports knowledge as Ben, approximately $200.

Well that is all I can come up with right now, sorry for the lack of blogs I am continually fighting to maintain my new year’s resolution of more blogs. I will have an update on the project of water filters and clean drinking water in schools.

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About lawyersgunandmoney

I am currently serving in the Peace Corps in Camasca, Honduras, a small mountain town located near the border of El Salvador. My project is Water and Sanitation.
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5 Responses to Un Año en Honduras

  1. Aunt Annie says:

    I am laughing out loud in my kitchen right now! Please write more so that you can save it and show your children some day – because you will not remember the details like you do now. Can’t wait to sit next to you at a restaurant, watching you eat with your fingers, smoke and drink pop! Hopefully, you can maintain the “sharting” number!

    Love you and miss you, Aunt Annie

  2. Andi Haas says:

    Would you like us to send you some clean clothes?

  3. Awesome, who says liberal arts grads can’t do math!? Hope you’re doing good, chief!

  4. Hilary Neumann says:

    Isn’t it wonderful to quantify things?! It really puts things in perspective and helps me to better understand all the crazy things you must go through. Here are some numbers for you to think about- 500, the number of times I casually (and proudly) slip “my brother, Zachary, is in Honduras serving in the Peace Corps” into a conversation. 0, the number of days in which I haven’t thought of you (well…maybe like 10-20 haha). I am so excited for you to be with Mom, Dad, Hallie, Fabry, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Christy. There is no one more deserving of a vacation than you!
    All my love,
    Hilary

  5. Kellee says:

    Zach, this was hilarious! I think my favorite was the hitchhike detour to a burial. Reading all of these short stories reminds me of what an awesome person you are. Can’t wait for June – love you! ~ Kellee

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